Sandy speaks on matters of life and mirth.
Monkeys are seldom present.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

That's What She Said! Part II

Another few months, another bunch of awkward, hilarious, inspiring and meaningful quotes. But mostly just awkward ones.

"Stop putting s**t on our bodies, David Blain!" - From David Blain: Street Magic!

"They're not just Eagles, they're like...Big Eagles!" - Myself

"Yeah, you're going to miss us, but at least you can wave at the plane!" Rav

Me: So they got busted by the Park Rangers
Mark: Queens' Park Rangers what?

"She don't screw my friends
And she cleans up my house
All of this love girl is creeping me out!" - Ima Robot, *Creeps Me Out*

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he cannot learn, feel, change, grow, or love.
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom.
Only a person who risks is free. - "Risks"

"What you do may be unimportant to anybody, but it is significant that you do it." - Ghandi

"Nik Myers already has a pending relationship request. This must be resolved before another request can be made." - Facebook clearly isn't run by Mormons.

Apewhale (17:19:22): are we going to make lots of farm puns now?
OsoGeist (17:19:39): I don't know but stop being a hoe
OsoGeist (17:19:50): which works both ways
OsoGeist (17:20:00): like a bisexual
Apewhale (17:20:10): or a combine harvester
- Oh the hilarity of AIM

Guy 1: I know how many letters there are in the alphabet
Guy 2: May I sub-respond before you finish?
Guy 1: Sure
Guy 2: Do you?
- I love Sonic Ads

"Look at all these people, there are wearing all of the clothes mankind has ever worn!" Krisse, on the Eurovision Song Contest

"You wanna KISS me!" - Erin

Me (Reading Headline): Workers rescues from giant vat of fish feces.
Nik: The Onion?
Me: No, CNN.

"The leaders of the US and UK...or as I like to call them "Primesident Blush" - Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

"You don't know a handful!" - Sarah Sidle, CSI

"My hair has more volume than a pensioner's telly." - Russell from Five US

"im gong spratly to nil" - Andrew on MSN.

"It's four in the morning, Mr Wilder. Do you know where your children are?" - Lieutenant Flores, Runaways

"He was with that guy, you know the one who won that thing at the thingie." - Fran showing her loquacity.

Me: Martin, we don't any Lionel Richie!
Martin: NO! Everyone has SOME Lionel!

"You know, those helper monkeys that answer the phone for you." - Fran rather overestimates the abilities of the average monkey.

Simon: Have you seen my DI box?
Sandy: I put it by your computer... [long pause]...and by computer I meant cello case.

"I am whatever you say I am. If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?" - Eminem

Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Gift That Keeps On Taking

So I'm pretty much writing this to avoid doing actual work.

For a change.

The main news story (and by main I mean 'only') of interest in my flat this week was the return of Kevin Keegan to the post of Newcastle United manager. For those of you who have no idea who Keegan (henceforth referred to as 'Sir Kev') is (read: Americans), let me enlighten you with a visual metaphor:

Imagine you're dating this really hot girl/guy, (Sandy Radford: Champion of Gender Equality!) who's fun, interesting, witty and loves all your friends. They love your hobbies, support the same sports teams you do, and are completely and utterly loveable.

This is nothing like supporting Newcastle United.

Newcastle are known locally as 'The Magpies'. Many people believe this is because of the black and white football strip. This is a mistake. It is because of Newcastle's love of snatching things, namely:

- The capacity for rational discourse - "I know we've been a disappointment for the last thirty-eight years, and none of the players we've bought this summer have actually won anything, but I'm telling you, this is our year!"

- The ability to watch a football match without worrying - "OK, we're actually winning this game...perhaps this is the game we turn it all around...oh no wait, Michael Owen's got injured again"

- Defeat from the jaws of victory - see 1997-1998 season.

But this time, this time Newcastle has actually given its fans some hope. With the appointment of Kevin Keegan, maybe we'll finally get a manager who lasts an entire season. Maybe he'll work the magic he did first time around, when he lifted Newcastle United into the Premier League, a place they've stayed ever since. Maybe he'll show his usual genius in the transfer market, and maybe we'll qualify for Europe this year.