Sandy speaks on matters of life and mirth.
Monkeys are seldom present.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Maybe I'm Just Growing...

I think I'm growing up.

It was Eric's wedding yesterday. The Eric in question being Eric Hanna, my former flatmate and good friend. And now he's married.

I should be more freaked out by this.

In the run-up to the wedding, people kept asking me 'don't you find it weird?' or 'does it make you feel old?', and I laughed them off, saying that Eric was a special case - that we had long felt he had been born at the age of forty, and that marriage was inevitably going to happen sooner, rather than later. The truth is though, that I think it didn't bother me because I'm growing up.

What? Did I just write that?

I have pulled out the old adage so many times - "I have to grow old, I don't have to grow up", and to an extent it's true. I still say and do really stupid things, still laugh over-loudly at simple jokes, and today at church I spent ten minutes making faces at somebody else's baby. I still love watching cheesy sci-fi TV shows, and drawing moustaches on photographs in the newspaper. I still get excited about colouring in, and I still hold tightly to the childish hope that Newcastle United might actually win...something before the 50th anniversary of our Fairs Cup win.

What this doesn't change, however, is that I am actually maturing.

What, me? The person who still thinks the highest form of humour is tapping someone on the shoulder and then hiding? The person who spends most of his shift at work singing and coming up with ridiculous nicknames for the kids? The guy who once invented an entire imaginary rock band and who has spent the years since trying to convince people they exist?

Yeah, me.

I have duties now. People who look up to me, people who I'm in charge of, people whom I'm
responsible for, a good job, great prospects, and a whole lot of stuff to do with my life. And you know what? I'm loving it.

I think I'm growing up.

Don't get me wrong - I don't intend to stop doing any of the ridiculous things that I do now. I don't intend to become a 'suit' or to sell out to the man (or given my chosen career path, the woman). In fact, I intend to be the same person I always was...just doing a bit better at it. I have no intention of turning into someone who counts the pennies (Unless it's for change for the bus) and complains about the youth of today. Frankly, I'm not that keen on leaving the youth of today.

I guess that I'm switching the adage around. I guess I'm not keen on growing old, but maybe, just maybe growing up might be OK.