So recently I ran out of space on my Facebook Wall for quotes. Clearly my friends are just too full of ridiculous misstatements for the internet to handle.
So what do I do about this? Do I stop cataloguing the madness and idiocy that spews from the mouths of my friends, family and random people I meet?
Certainly not. I'm just going to list all the old ones here and start a new collection. I feel like it's my obligation to history.
THE LIST
"This is my mate...Rumplepuss" - Jamie McKale
"I know what you did last sugar!" - Rumplepuss
"In Britain, when we stick our fingers in a socket, we take the pain!" - Myself
"James Blunt was in the army, wasn't he? He was a general, right?" - Sagan Leasure
"I'm wearing a sweater-vest - I can do whatever I want!" - Lostro
"So me and Bill just had a race. I was peeing and he was pooping...it was a photo-finish!" - Andy W
"I'm not a lesbian - I love boys!" Erin
"I once kicked a monkey so hard he landed in three different trees...like a furry watermelon." A horse
"No offence, Sonny, but around here...you're a parasite." - Al - Assigment:Outer Space!
"I'll race you to Baby Jesus!" - My dearest sister on Christmas Morning.
"Ninja Jesus Stealth Attack" - Myself.
"She has a specially tailored skirt that allows her to take a stride of exactly thirty inches." - Mission:Impossible
"I'm choking on my own language." - Myself
"Death by accent." - Bill
"Erin Mikulecky - Conversation Assassin." - Myself
"No, BananaFingers! NO!!" - Erin
"You're wrong coz I'm Sandy Radford!!!!" - Ravi
"Orlando! Orlando! Orlando!" - Myself
*Phone rings, I answer"
Me: Hey Mark, how are you?
Mark: I'm fine. I just called to let you know I'm driving to Ohio.
"I'm going to give this movie the highest accolade I can think of - I'm going to put it under 'favorite films' on Facebook!" - Bill displaying a fine sense of what is important in life.
Ravi: That's a terrible storyline!
Sandy: This is Backstreet Boys porn - what did you expect, Jane Austen?
Ravi: Well, yes!
"Summary: Methilde and Nick are out on their boat. Having fun. Then a shark attacks them." - Backstreet Bauhaus
Sandy: I first knew Chris was a bad ass when I came in and he was playing "Sweet Dreams Are
Made of This."
Ravi: I first knew Chris was a bad ass when I heard him playing Benni Benassi out of those awesome speakers.
Mark: I first knew Chris was a bad ass when I did those lines of coke with him.
Akshaya to Mazan: You scam on boys like Rav scams on girls!
Rav: Excuse me, I scam on girls *and* boys!
"Sandy, if your sister is as hot as you are, I couldn't keep my hands off her!" - Andy W
"Everything cool, Marcia - Rude Boy don't fear." - Priest, *Dancehall Queen*
"Don't screw with my disco, Nadine." - Harold, *The Stand*
"I'm so excited about going to New York - we're going to see the LAPD!" - Rav
Me: My cousin just went into labour.
Erin: With a baby?
Me: No Erin, the other kind of labour...of course with a baby!
"It's a soup opera!" - Nalini
"Sandy, you're a boogerfingers!" - Jeffrey
"Que Sera Sera, Douchebags!" - Tony Snow
"Boy, it sure is dark in here with the lights off." - Esther Smith, *Meet Me in St Louis*
"You'd be like 'click'! And I'd be like 'BAM'!" - Erin on what would happen if I sent an email from her account.
"I know what you did last sugar!" - Rumplepuss
"In Britain, when we stick our fingers in a socket, we take the pain!" - Myself
"James Blunt was in the army, wasn't he? He was a general, right?" - Sagan Leasure
"I'm wearing a sweater-vest - I can do whatever I want!" - Lostro
"So me and Bill just had a race. I was peeing and he was pooping...it was a photo-finish!" - Andy W
"I'm not a lesbian - I love boys!" Erin
"I once kicked a monkey so hard he landed in three different trees...like a furry watermelon." A horse
"No offence, Sonny, but around here...you're a parasite." - Al - Assigment:Outer Space!
"I'll race you to Baby Jesus!" - My dearest sister on Christmas Morning.
"Ninja Jesus Stealth Attack" - Myself.
"She has a specially tailored skirt that allows her to take a stride of exactly thirty inches." - Mission:Impossible
"I'm choking on my own language." - Myself
"Death by accent." - Bill
"Erin Mikulecky - Conversation Assassin." - Myself
"No, BananaFingers! NO!!" - Erin
"You're wrong coz I'm Sandy Radford!!!!" - Ravi
"Orlando! Orlando! Orlando!" - Myself
*Phone rings, I answer"
Me: Hey Mark, how are you?
Mark: I'm fine. I just called to let you know I'm driving to Ohio.
"I'm going to give this movie the highest accolade I can think of - I'm going to put it under 'favorite films' on Facebook!" - Bill displaying a fine sense of what is important in life.
Ravi: That's a terrible storyline!
Sandy: This is Backstreet Boys porn - what did you expect, Jane Austen?
Ravi: Well, yes!
"Summary: Methilde and Nick are out on their boat. Having fun. Then a shark attacks them." - Backstreet Bauhaus
Sandy: I first knew Chris was a bad ass when I came in and he was playing "Sweet Dreams Are
Made of This."
Ravi: I first knew Chris was a bad ass when I heard him playing Benni Benassi out of those awesome speakers.
Mark: I first knew Chris was a bad ass when I did those lines of coke with him.
Akshaya to Mazan: You scam on boys like Rav scams on girls!
Rav: Excuse me, I scam on girls *and* boys!
"Sandy, if your sister is as hot as you are, I couldn't keep my hands off her!" - Andy W
"Everything cool, Marcia - Rude Boy don't fear." - Priest, *Dancehall Queen*
"Don't screw with my disco, Nadine." - Harold, *The Stand*
"I'm so excited about going to New York - we're going to see the LAPD!" - Rav
Me: My cousin just went into labour.
Erin: With a baby?
Me: No Erin, the other kind of labour...of course with a baby!
"It's a soup opera!" - Nalini
"Sandy, you're a boogerfingers!" - Jeffrey
"Que Sera Sera, Douchebags!" - Tony Snow
"Boy, it sure is dark in here with the lights off." - Esther Smith, *Meet Me in St Louis*
"You'd be like 'click'! And I'd be like 'BAM'!" - Erin on what would happen if I sent an email from her account.
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