I'm Wrong, Because I'm Sandy Radford!

Sometimes, it's really nice to be wrong.

Those of you to whom I talked to about it know that I was incredibly negative about returning to Edinburgh before I did so. I felt like I was back-tracking, that all my friends would have moved on, that classes were going to be awful, that, frankly, I just wasn't going to enjoy it at all.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

I made what turned out to be an amazingly smart decision to come back very early, before most of my friends had returned to the 'Burgh. This meant that had time to hang out individually with all of my friends before others got back, and meant I didn't feel left out of some kind of clique. Which probably wouldn't have happened anyway, but this way was fun anyhow.

Work is great fun. Any job in which they pay me to work with great people, help kids learn and just generally dance around making a fool of myself is OK in my book. Added to that is the fact that I'm in the process of applying for a full-time, salaried position for the same company in a managerial role, and suddenly my life seems to be getting very adult. Yikes!

Now on to the most surprising thing - I'm actually enjoying my course. I've started to specialise in Language Production and Psycholinguistics, and in every one of my lectures I'm thinking to myself "How the Hell am I enjoying this so much?" and yet I am! I never thought I could be so interested in speech errors.

I am such a loser. :D

Church is also amazing. I'm taking on a leadership role this year, which is very scary, but also very exciting. I'm looking forward to it greatly, and I expect not only to help people, but also to get a heck of a lot out of it - I've always been best when thrown into the deep end.

Also, I'm thinking of coming out to Chambana in early March - will be people be around?

Dedicated Traveler

I clearly don't do staying in one place very well.

Having returned from Illinois a scant five weeks ago, this Sunday I'm off to America again - this time back to the camp where I've spent the last two summers. I'll be working as a Unit Leader - a supervisor, working with one particular unit. In my case, that'll be the eight year old boys of Apache Unit. I also get a staff that varies in size depending on how many kids we have. Last year there was one week where there was only four of us, and the next week we had ten staff. That'll take me up to the middle of August.

When I return to the country, I have two weeks of work (interspersed with the most awesome party ever on the eighteenth) and then back up to Edinburgh to work and start on my dissertation! Huzzah!

Also, I worked out this morning that the last time I spent every night of one week in one bed was back in April. (I hasten to point out that this isn't because I'm ridiculously promiscuous...it's just that I move around a lot).

So anyway, if I don't see you before this weekend, I hope you have a great summer, and I look forward to seeing you in the autumn.

Unless you're American. In which case I'll see you soon, I promise.

Musings on Finality

I'm swiftly approaching the endtime.

My time in Illinois is nearly over.

What made this really sink in was the realisation that I will only be going to church five more times. I'll only work five more Mondays at the ICL. I'll only have five more chances to go to Joe's. I'll only...well you get the idea. The point I'm trying to make is this:

I don't think that I'm ready to go home yet.

I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye to my friends, not just for a holiday, but for much longer, and in some cases, possibly forever. I don't think I'm ready to admit that this chapter of my life is coming to a close, that all my excitement about the NFL draft is in vain, because I won't be watching the games with my friends, that all my friends deciding where to live is totally irrelevant to me because I'll be living five thousand miles away, that all the exciting things my church is going to do will happen without me...I'm just not willing to accept to accept these facts right now.

The way I've decided to compensate for this, however, is to cram as much into my last few weeks as I can. From late night conversations to shopping trips, ridiculous numbers of coffee-dates to rehearsals, I'm not going to let these weeks slip away from me like February and March did. I may not have much time left here, but I'm going to make the most of it.

So if you're a friend of mine in the Illinois area, expect to be hassled. These last days are going to count.

Mmm...Cake

Wow, it has been a while.

Just thought I'd say that - it wasn't really constructive in any way. I do that a lot, I've noticed.

But anyway, what have been up to?

In a phrase, not a lot.

On March 6th 2007, I turned 21. This was only significant because I was in America. If I had celebrated this birthday in Britain, it would have been simply another year. But because I was in the States, where the drinking age is three years higher, it instantly became an exciting event. And yet for me, it shouldn't have been - not only have I been legally able to drink since I was eighteen, three years ago, in high school, I also don't even drink that much back home.

Admittedly in September, I did decide not to drink in the States until I turned 21, and so there was an element of success in arriving at the date, but still, it should not have been as exciting as it was. Bizarrely, it was like turning eighteen all over again - the same excitement, the desire for one day of the year to be IDed, you know how it goes. I definitely over-celebrated, though. Ah well, as long as it doesn't become a habit.

Much more excitingly, on March 6th, my cousin gave birth to her fifth child, Isa. he is of course, due to his birthday, by default my favourite cousin, and so I intend to spoil him outrageously.

It's beginning to dawn on me that my time in Illinois is coming to an end. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I mean I know I love Edinburgh, and all my friends there (and this Christmas only served to accentuate that) and I know that I am going to be very attached to Illinois because I am currently here and yes, I know that were I in Edinburgh right now I would probably feel the exact opposite, but the fact remains that were I offered a chance to do my final year here and graduate from Illinois, I would jump at it.

This isn't to say that I don't want to go home. I do, desperately. I love Edinburgh, I love all of you there, I love my church, and I know that the next two years of my life are there. It's just that, right now, I really don't want to leave. I guess you truly can't have your cake and eat it too.

That won't stop me trying, though.

A Soppy, Yet Heartfelt Thank You

I had an amazing winter break.

In fact, it may have been the best winter break ever. I think the trick to enjoying holidays is to go for very long periods without them. This is very similar to my current theory that the best way to get on with your family is to only see them for very short periods of time.

When I left Illinois, I was definitely looking forward to returning to Britain. I was excited about seeing people I hadn't seen in seven months and about doing stuff I hadn't done in ages, but I was also very aware that I had a limited time to do it in. This necessitated great efficiency, prior planning, and an organised system.

I had none of these.

And yet you, yes all you wonderful people out there made this truly a Christmas Holidays to be remembered. Whether it was thrashing Roger and the Scholls at Risk, going for a walk at three in the morning on New Years Day, playing pool at the Sports Cafe or talking Claire and Hannah's ears off about how amazing my time at Illinois has been, these three weeks have been simply awesome.

When I came back, I figured this holiday would be like any other - sit around on the sofa most days, maybe see people every so often, but mostly be bored. In this respect, I couldn't have been more wrong. This may have been connected to my friends' somewhat fanatical desire to spend time with me - in one case travelling all the way from Inverness to spend an hour with me.

I feel this is the point where I stop being vague, and single out a few individuals for special thanks. And by a few, I mean lots.

First up, my wonderful sister, Frances. Of all the people I've missed while I've been away, you were top of the list. I may hide it incredibly well sometimes, but I do love you, and I love to spend time with you - especially the ridiculous in-jokes we share. I try to explain them to other people, but they just don't understand. I hate mandatory minimums.

Martin - I miss you buddy. All the time. Hello there lighty.

Nik - Badger Position! I just lost the game. Thanks for getting me through - I'll return the favour anytime.

Robin - Thank you for being lovely. I love Robin.

Jamie - This holiday has been a million times better because I finally got to know you properly. Let's not lose touch again.

Andrew - The hugs don't lose anything with repetition.

Claire Storm Philips - If I could choose anyone to be my ex-girlfriend, it'd be you. I think that's a compliment. Don't become a Rah, please.

Josiah - Thank you for letting me just appear and take possession of what is really now your flat. Thanks also for letting me host a party there when your only form of notice was your invitation.

Luke - Stay in Edinburgh. Please.

Clare O'Driscoll - Thank you for not telling me to shut up. I'll still be in Edinburgh when you get back, I promise.

Clare McVittie - You're the best ex-wife a man could hope for.

Christy & Ruth - I didn't realise how much I missed you until I saw you again. Please, don't ever change. If you do, at least act the same around me.

Thom - Thank you for my jumper and my CD. And I know, you're not gay.

Esther - I miss you. Thanks for dinner and wine. It was very bizarre you cooking me food, but I think it worked out pretty well.

If I've missed you out, it's because I suck at remembering things. You've all been wonderful to me in this holiday, and well, just in general actually. I miss you all, and I'll see you when I get back. You guys rock so much, it's unbelievable. Thank you.

I've Dropped More Ts than You've had Hot Dinners

A friend of mine asked me a while back if she could write a paper on me, or rather, on my accent. I agreed, and she recorded me speaking. She wrote a paper, which included this transcript of the recording:

Sandy: “So I’m in Wal-Mart yesterday… and…no, this, like, was a couple weeks ago. Anyway, this was a while ago. I’m in Wal-Mart and I was trying to use the automatic cashier-less thing – the till. So I’m standing there and you have the swipe-y thing on the thing and it beeps so I have a Mar-, not a Mars Bar, sorry, I had a Milky Way as they call them in this country. And – ”

Jeanne: “Milky Way? What do they call them at home?”

Sandy: “Mars Bars.”

Jeanne: “Oh… okay.”

Sandy: “Yeah, exactly. So I swipe my Milky Way and I think, “Right, I’m going to eat this later,” so I put it in my pocket. And then the Wal-Mart, like, machine, like, starts, like, beeping and saying “You have not put the Milky Way in the bag,” and I was like, “um, okay.” So I take it out of my pocket and put it in the bag and it says, “There is something in the bag that was not swiped through the cash register.” I was like, “No I just…” So at this point I’m arguing with the machine. I’m like, it’s very annoying, like, “No, I can see that, ri-.” So then I realize at this point, so I take it out of the bag, swipe it, it goes, “You have been charged for three Milky Ways.” I was like, “No! I only have one! One Milky Way! It’s not even in two bits like back home!” So I get very irritated. I keep swiping it and it’s starting again and this woman behind me is obviously getting really really irritated. She’s like [imitates frustrated breathing]. And like, I, I’m getting really… you know, I’m a newcomer in this country, I don’t know what I’m doing. So eventually I think, “Alright, alright,” so then I turn around to her and I’m like, “Listen love, I’m really sorry but I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t understand it.” And she looks at me, she’s like “Oh you’re English! Let me help you!” And she does this amazing... I’m sure she was launching a space shuttle or something and I’m sure it undercharged me as well so I was really excited. Put it in the bag, pick it up and leave.”

I'm somewhat ashamed.

Head + Concrete = Concussion

Things I have in common with Ben Roethlisberger, NFL Pro Quarterback:

1) Both our last names start with an 'R'
2) We've both been knocked unconscious and suffered a concussion recently
3) We've both won a Super Bowl.

One of these facts is untrue.

So last night at dodgeball I was definitely unconscious for between a minute and two minutes. I went up to catch a ball, bounced off another player, and then as I came down something inexplicable happened.

My feet missed the ground.

The rest of me, sadly, did not.

The sound of my head hitting the carpet-covered concrete has been described as a 'schmush', a 'thunk', or, and in my opinion this is the most descriptive account, 'the most disgusting noise I have ever heard.'

Now I just remember lying there for about thirty seconds, with the wind totally knocked out of me, unable to think straight, but with my eyes open. Turns out I was down for a good couple of minutes, with my eyes closed, and was totally unresponsive. Pretty scary. The weirdest part of all this is that the things I remember as a continuous stream of events actually occurred over several minutes, with big gaps in between.

The real kicker is the concussion, though. Since then, I keep getting weird headaches and rushes of blood to my head. My hearing will fade in and out, I'll feel randomly nauseous, and standing up too quickly is really weird.

On the plus side, I'm done with all with all my classes, and all my finals were in-class, so I really have nothing better to do than sleep and sit around doing nothing....which is really all I feel capable of doing right now.

All I Want for Christmas is Mariah Carey

Hello again.

Well, I'm still in Illinois, still not doing very much. Well, actually, that's a lie. I have four finals in two days this week, three of which are in a five hour span. That's just ridiculous. Add to that an average of four hours a night of rehearsals, and you start to realise that I am somewhat overworked. On the plus side, I did work out where a certain film quote that was bothering came from, so I'd call it a successful week.

My laptop is driving me crazy. Its latest 'hilarious' quirk? The disc drive won't stay in. At all. What the hell is that all about? On the plus side, it still runs the internet...just about.

Christmas is approaching at breakneck speed. I honestly have no idea where the last four months have gone. It seems like so recently that I arrived here in Champoo-Banana, and yet I have been here an entire semester. Crazy. What else have I to tell you my devoted readers?

Well, I've been working on my five year plan. I currently plan to graduate from Edinburgh in Summer 08, and then, hopefully, do a Post-Graduate Certificate of Education (The Caps make it official sounding) at Edinburgh, before coming back to Chambana to teach in underpriviledged schools around here. Originally I wanted to come out to America sooner, but recent events, and large amounts of rumination have made me realise that, actually, I'm not quite done with the U of K yet.

Well, I should probably go study for my final final, but to keep you thinking, here is my Christmas wishlist, just in case you have Santa's number on speed-dial.

1. World Peace
2. Understanding between all peoples
3. A new laptop

What I've Learned from Breakfast in the Residence Halls

I hate country music.

So very much.

Or, to be more specific, I don't necessarily hate country music. What I hate is the country music voice.

Having been exposed to a very, very, very large amount of country music here in the United States, I can reveal that there are only two country music singers - one male and one female. Oh, sure, they might release songs under multiple different names, and release hundreds of different albums, but I mean really - has anyone ever listened to these songs? They don't even try to disguise the fact that they all sound exactly the same. The voices on these tracks are identical, people! Use your ears!

But who are these shady people? I did some investigation, and, at great personal risk to myself, am finally willing to reveal their true identities.


Virgil McSouth and Cindi Starkweather are the true names of this mysterious duo. They've been recording country music for over twenty years. Before that, Meat Loaf filled in after Elvis' retirement.

Thi conspiracy has been well-hidden, with the Country Music Association arranging for people to mime along to their music in live shows, and the annual "Country Music Awards" where D-List actors and homeless people pretend to be big-time movie stars. One of the most elaborate deceptions was when, using clever multi-tracking and lip synching techniques, the CMA managed to fool people into thinking that Starkweather was in fact three jobless sisters of the CEO's wife. You may know these three better as 'The Dixie Chicks'.

The truth is out, people. I've put my head on the line to expose this. Now, spread the word - don't let my risk be for naught!

Tiddlywinks, Now There's A Real Sport

So it's a been a while since I updated this thing. I've been far too busy doing nothing.

I've definitely got addicted to American sports. And I'm not just talking about the good ones, like American Football, or basketball. I'm talking about the ones they show at midnight on ESPN-2.

No, not those kind of sports. Get your mind out of the gutter.

In fact, I'm not even sure that is a sport.

So anyway, last night, me and a couple of friends (male friends, obviously - girls have far too much sense to do this kind of thing) decided it would be fun to find out what non-sport was showing on ESPN-2 at half eleven. (That's eleven thirty to all you crazy Americans.) Well, suffice to say, we weren't disappointed. We tuned in just in time to watch the girls' final of the Teen Masters...of ten pin bowling. That's right. That's a real competition.

You know the saddest thing, though? After five minutes, I was really getting into it. We were talking tactics, cheering, and rooting for our favourite. It gets better, though. After the girls' final, it was the boys' turn! And then after that, the boys champion and the girls' champion faced off against each other! Amazing!

Once that finished, I decided it was finally time to do something productive, or at least to watch some real sport.

And then the World Series of Poker came on.

Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fungus

You know, sometimes old clichés are actually true.

They say that sometimes you have to leave something behind to realise how much you love it.

(They also say that bumblebees shouldn't be able to fly, but hey 'they' can't get everything right.)

So I was volunteering at a Study Abroad Fair the other day (hey, it's not like my courses give me any work). I was there to represent Edinburgh, and convince people to take a semester or a year abroad there. Well, I did that for a while, and it was fun, but there were two of us, and I noticed Newcastle didn't have anybody. So I switched over to Newcastle, and started plugging that.

And wow. I have never realised quite how much I love Newcastle, and the North-East in general. As I spoke, I realised I wasn't exaggerating a single word. Now that doesn't mean that I regret leaving - not in the slightest. Edinburgh is awesome, and Illinois is fantastic. It just makes me a little bit sad that I'm unlikely to spend more than three weeks at a time there ever again.

My life, or at least the next few years of it, is starting to come together in front of my eyes, which is nice - although also incredibly petrifying. I may be returning to America a little sooner than I thought, although to a totally different place than I expected. But I'll tell you more when I know details.

Well, that was mysterious.

In other news, the room I share with Chris has become known as 'The Embassy'. Who knows why. Still, we made a Facebook group, so if you want to see pictures of life in Illinois, then that's the place.

My addiction to American Football is growing stronger. (Yes, I called it 'American' Football - deal with it.) On Sunday night, I really wanted to watch the Colts vs Giants game, but I also really wanted to go to church.

DILEMMA!

So, most normal people would've just shrugged their shoulders and resolved to watch the highlights on YouTube. (That's the football, not the church service.) Not me. No,I got my friend to TiVo it, and then went over to her's immediately afterwards to watch it. (While making sure she screened my calls so that no-one could ruin the score for me.) Thanks Kirsten, you're a legend.

I also went to see the University American Football (We won, but not against a great team.) and the real Football. (Again, we won, this time 4-0). It was refreshing seeing 'soccer' (urrggghhh...) again. I think me and my other British friend enjoyed ourselves a little more than the rest of the crowd. We were the only one's standing up, and I think we confused the other fans by nicknaming the girls based on famous European football players. (Especially when I decided to yell "Pass it to Nedved!" across the field.)

I feel like I'm some kind of talisman. Notice how Illinois have a perfect record at games I attend? Now contrast that with the American Football game at Rutgers, which we lost 33-0.

I wonder if watching it on TV counts?

Bow for Brown

I went to a volleyball game the other day.

It was utterly insane.

In Britain, when two university sports teams face off against each other, the usual turnout is around twelve. (and that's only at the home games, and if the striker's little brother doesn't have a dentst appointment.) At the volleyball game we attended on Friday, there must have been around 1000 people - 986 of whom were Illinois supporters.

The atmosphere was incredible - we were right in the middle of a big group of Illini (that's pronounced [ih-line-i] - it tooks us a while to work that one out) and the chants were awesome. Each player on the Illinois team had a different chant, and the ones to mock the offense were frankly hilarious. From "You can't do that!" when the opposing team fouled to "Awkward Silence!" when they took too long to serve.

Some of the other chants were a little bit harsh ("She's got crabs!" when the opposition server came up being a case in point.) but everything was in really good spirit. Oh, and did I mention that this was women's volleyball? In Britain, we like to pretend women's sports don't exist, but at Illinois, and in the Big Ten (the league Illinois is part of, which is actually a pretty original name, given that there are eleven teams in it) women's sports are as well-attended as the men's. Crazy, eh? Next they'll be running for President.

A friend of mine from camp was visiting, and we instantly found a favourite (yes, I spelt that word with a 'u', you lazy Ameriquins) player - number 2, Vicki Brown. She managed to lead her team in scoring, desite only being on the court for about two minutes at a time. We decided to start bowing to her every time she scored a 'kill', and by the end of the second game we attended, the entire hall was following suit.

That's my contribution to Illinois athletics, and I doubt there'll be another one.

Initial Report from Champaign-Urbana

So I've been here for a week now.

And it's pretty darn awesome.

If you ever come to the UofI - the first thing you'll notice is the obscene size of everything. There is a fully-fledged gym in my halls, and a bowling alley in the union. There are about 40,000 students here, pretty much all of whom are from Illinois. On my floor I appear to be the only foreign student, which means I have both novelty value, and an excuse for doing anything wrong - wonderful!

I've registered for a scant twelve hours of classes, three of which are in 'Fundamentals of Acting 1', which seems a bit ridiculous, but never mind.

My halls are, perversely, absolutely freezing - the air conditioning seems to be turned up to a ridiculous amount. This meant that I had the very odd experience of buying a very thick insulated blanket from WalMart in the middle of summer. (There are three WalMarts in Champaign-Urbana, by the way, all of which are bigger than the city of Durham.)

Continuing with the 'insanely big' theme - my church in Edinburgh is around three hundred strong. My church here is something like 2500! They have a gym...inside their church. Utter madness.

However, they are all really cool, and I got on with them really well. I think I'm improving on my record from first year in Edinburgh, where I knew very few people, and almost none in my halls. So far, I've got to know a load of people on my floor really well, and we're looking at starting an intramural soccer team. It's shaping up to be a really awesome year.