Sandy speaks on matters of life and mirth.
Monkeys are seldom present.
Showing posts with label Fish feces. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fish feces. Show all posts

Sunday, June 27, 2010

An Angry Rant About The England Football Team


You know how I'm usually the person who calls for restraint and to give managers time? The one who says that managers get to much blame for poor performances? Not this time. Fabio needs to go - ridiculous starting elevens (Heskey up-front next to Rooney... twice. Upson when Carragher was available, Ledley King who clearly wasn't going to last ninety minutes), ridiculous substitutions (WHY was Gareth Barry, a defensive midfielder, still on the pitch when we were two goals down? And then Heskey... for DEFOE? And why the hell was Milner taken off?); ridiculous over-loyalty to players (Rooney and Lampard played every minute of every game, and were pathetic); ridiculous formations (remember Rooney in left midfield in the the USA game?); and to top it all off, ridiculously poor performances from supposedly elite players in the biggest competition they will ever play in.

 I don't care how much it costs, we need to start over - let's get a manager with proven international credentials (Guus Hiddink?) and tell him to start with a blank slate - no-one is an automatic selection any more. We should pick our best player (probably Rooney, although you'd never know it from this tournament) and build the whole team around him - players are only selected based on their ability to help Rooney score goals. Either that, or go with my previous idea of using the team that wins the Championship that year. 

OK, Rant over. No, wait, no it isn't! Have you heard all the England players? They're blaming the no-goal, and saying that the scoreline doesn't reflect the tempo of the game. Why are they being allowed to get away with this? The team played crap, and they LOST BY THREE GOALS, not one! Fabio should be doing a Marcello Lippi and apologising. The scary thing is, Germany weren't even that good - we gifted them at least three of their goals. Argentina could probably have scored seven or eight. It's time to start again. We may not be the best footballing nation on Earth, but we're better than THAT.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

That's What She Said! Part II

Another few months, another bunch of awkward, hilarious, inspiring and meaningful quotes. But mostly just awkward ones.

"Stop putting s**t on our bodies, David Blain!" - From David Blain: Street Magic!

"They're not just Eagles, they're like...Big Eagles!" - Myself

"Yeah, you're going to miss us, but at least you can wave at the plane!" Rav

Me: So they got busted by the Park Rangers
Mark: Queens' Park Rangers what?

"She don't screw my friends
And she cleans up my house
All of this love girl is creeping me out!" - Ima Robot, *Creeps Me Out*

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he cannot learn, feel, change, grow, or love.
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom.
Only a person who risks is free. - "Risks"

"What you do may be unimportant to anybody, but it is significant that you do it." - Ghandi

"Nik Myers already has a pending relationship request. This must be resolved before another request can be made." - Facebook clearly isn't run by Mormons.

Apewhale (17:19:22): are we going to make lots of farm puns now?
OsoGeist (17:19:39): I don't know but stop being a hoe
OsoGeist (17:19:50): which works both ways
OsoGeist (17:20:00): like a bisexual
Apewhale (17:20:10): or a combine harvester
- Oh the hilarity of AIM

Guy 1: I know how many letters there are in the alphabet
Guy 2: May I sub-respond before you finish?
Guy 1: Sure
Guy 2: Do you?
- I love Sonic Ads

"Look at all these people, there are wearing all of the clothes mankind has ever worn!" Krisse, on the Eurovision Song Contest

"You wanna KISS me!" - Erin

Me (Reading Headline): Workers rescues from giant vat of fish feces.
Nik: The Onion?
Me: No, CNN.

"The leaders of the US and UK...or as I like to call them "Primesident Blush" - Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

"You don't know a handful!" - Sarah Sidle, CSI

"My hair has more volume than a pensioner's telly." - Russell from Five US

"im gong spratly to nil" - Andrew on MSN.

"It's four in the morning, Mr Wilder. Do you know where your children are?" - Lieutenant Flores, Runaways

"He was with that guy, you know the one who won that thing at the thingie." - Fran showing her loquacity.

Me: Martin, we don't any Lionel Richie!
Martin: NO! Everyone has SOME Lionel!

"You know, those helper monkeys that answer the phone for you." - Fran rather overestimates the abilities of the average monkey.

Simon: Have you seen my DI box?
Sandy: I put it by your computer... [long pause]...and by computer I meant cello case.

"I am whatever you say I am. If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?" - Eminem