That's What She Said! Part II

Another few months, another bunch of awkward, hilarious, inspiring and meaningful quotes. But mostly just awkward ones.

"Stop putting s**t on our bodies, David Blain!" - From David Blain: Street Magic!

"They're not just Eagles, they're like...Big Eagles!" - Myself

"Yeah, you're going to miss us, but at least you can wave at the plane!" Rav

Me: So they got busted by the Park Rangers
Mark: Queens' Park Rangers what?

"She don't screw my friends
And she cleans up my house
All of this love girl is creeping me out!" - Ima Robot, *Creeps Me Out*

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he cannot learn, feel, change, grow, or love.
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom.
Only a person who risks is free. - "Risks"

"What you do may be unimportant to anybody, but it is significant that you do it." - Ghandi

"Nik Myers already has a pending relationship request. This must be resolved before another request can be made." - Facebook clearly isn't run by Mormons.

Apewhale (17:19:22): are we going to make lots of farm puns now?
OsoGeist (17:19:39): I don't know but stop being a hoe
OsoGeist (17:19:50): which works both ways
OsoGeist (17:20:00): like a bisexual
Apewhale (17:20:10): or a combine harvester
- Oh the hilarity of AIM

Guy 1: I know how many letters there are in the alphabet
Guy 2: May I sub-respond before you finish?
Guy 1: Sure
Guy 2: Do you?
- I love Sonic Ads

"Look at all these people, there are wearing all of the clothes mankind has ever worn!" Krisse, on the Eurovision Song Contest

"You wanna KISS me!" - Erin

Me (Reading Headline): Workers rescues from giant vat of fish feces.
Nik: The Onion?
Me: No, CNN.

"The leaders of the US and UK...or as I like to call them "Primesident Blush" - Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

"You don't know a handful!" - Sarah Sidle, CSI

"My hair has more volume than a pensioner's telly." - Russell from Five US

"im gong spratly to nil" - Andrew on MSN.

"It's four in the morning, Mr Wilder. Do you know where your children are?" - Lieutenant Flores, Runaways

"He was with that guy, you know the one who won that thing at the thingie." - Fran showing her loquacity.

Me: Martin, we don't any Lionel Richie!
Martin: NO! Everyone has SOME Lionel!

"You know, those helper monkeys that answer the phone for you." - Fran rather overestimates the abilities of the average monkey.

Simon: Have you seen my DI box?
Sandy: I put it by your computer... [long pause]...and by computer I meant cello case.

"I am whatever you say I am. If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?" - Eminem

That's What She Said!

So recently I ran out of space on my Facebook Wall for quotes. Clearly my friends are just too full of ridiculous misstatements for the internet to handle.

So what do I do about this? Do I stop cataloguing the madness and idiocy that spews from the mouths of my friends, family and random people I meet?

Certainly not. I'm just going to list all the old ones here and start a new collection. I feel like it's my obligation to history.

THE LIST

"This is my mate...Rumplepuss" - Jamie McKale

"I know what you did last sugar!" - Rumplepuss

"In Britain, when we stick our fingers in a socket, we take the pain!" - Myself

"James Blunt was in the army, wasn't he? He was a general, right?" - Sagan Leasure

"I'm wearing a sweater-vest - I can do whatever I want!" - Lostro

"So me and Bill just had a race. I was peeing and he was pooping...it was a photo-finish!" - Andy W

"I'm not a lesbian - I love boys!" Erin

"I once kicked a monkey so hard he landed in three different trees...like a furry watermelon." A horse

"No offence, Sonny, but around here...you're a parasite." - Al - Assigment:Outer Space!

"I'll race you to Baby Jesus!" - My dearest sister on Christmas Morning.

"Ninja Jesus Stealth Attack" - Myself.

"She has a specially tailored skirt that allows her to take a stride of exactly thirty inches." - Mission:Impossible

"I'm choking on my own language." - Myself

"Death by accent." - Bill

"Erin Mikulecky - Conversation Assassin." - Myself

"No, BananaFingers! NO!!" - Erin

"You're wrong coz I'm Sandy Radford!!!!" - Ravi

"Orlando! Orlando! Orlando!" - Myself

*Phone rings, I answer"
Me: Hey Mark, how are you?
Mark: I'm fine. I just called to let you know I'm driving to Ohio.

"I'm going to give this movie the highest accolade I can think of - I'm going to put it under 'favorite films' on Facebook!" - Bill displaying a fine sense of what is important in life.

Ravi: That's a terrible storyline!
Sandy: This is Backstreet Boys porn - what did you expect, Jane Austen?
Ravi: Well, yes!

"Summary: Methilde and Nick are out on their boat. Having fun. Then a shark attacks them." - Backstreet Bauhaus

Sandy: I first knew Chris was a bad ass when I came in and he was playing "Sweet Dreams Are
Made of This."
Ravi: I first knew Chris was a bad ass when I heard him playing Benni Benassi out of those awesome speakers.
Mark: I first knew Chris was a bad ass when I did those lines of coke with him.

Akshaya to Mazan: You scam on boys like Rav scams on girls!
Rav: Excuse me, I scam on girls *and* boys!

"Sandy, if your sister is as hot as you are, I couldn't keep my hands off her!" - Andy W

"Everything cool, Marcia - Rude Boy don't fear." - Priest, *Dancehall Queen*

"Don't screw with my disco, Nadine." - Harold, *The Stand*

"I'm so excited about going to New York - we're going to see the LAPD!" - Rav

Me: My cousin just went into labour.
Erin: With a baby?
Me: No Erin, the other kind of labour...of course with a baby!

"It's a soup opera!" - Nalini

"Sandy, you're a boogerfingers!" - Jeffrey

"Que Sera Sera, Douchebags!" - Tony Snow

"Boy, it sure is dark in here with the lights off." - Esther Smith, *Meet Me in St Louis*

"You'd be like 'click'! And I'd be like 'BAM'!" - Erin on what would happen if I sent an email from her account.