The Gift That Keeps On Taking

So I'm pretty much writing this to avoid doing actual work.

For a change.

The main news story (and by main I mean 'only') of interest in my flat this week was the return of Kevin Keegan to the post of Newcastle United manager. For those of you who have no idea who Keegan (henceforth referred to as 'Sir Kev') is (read: Americans), let me enlighten you with a visual metaphor:

Imagine you're dating this really hot girl/guy, (Sandy Radford: Champion of Gender Equality!) who's fun, interesting, witty and loves all your friends. They love your hobbies, support the same sports teams you do, and are completely and utterly loveable.

This is nothing like supporting Newcastle United.

Newcastle are known locally as 'The Magpies'. Many people believe this is because of the black and white football strip. This is a mistake. It is because of Newcastle's love of snatching things, namely:

- The capacity for rational discourse - "I know we've been a disappointment for the last thirty-eight years, and none of the players we've bought this summer have actually won anything, but I'm telling you, this is our year!"

- The ability to watch a football match without worrying - "OK, we're actually winning this game...perhaps this is the game we turn it all around...oh no wait, Michael Owen's got injured again"

- Defeat from the jaws of victory - see 1997-1998 season.

But this time, this time Newcastle has actually given its fans some hope. With the appointment of Kevin Keegan, maybe we'll finally get a manager who lasts an entire season. Maybe he'll work the magic he did first time around, when he lifted Newcastle United into the Premier League, a place they've stayed ever since. Maybe he'll show his usual genius in the transfer market, and maybe we'll qualify for Europe this year.

Maybe.